


You always meet twice

by cuphugaddict



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Blind Date, Bones Eyebrows, Coming Out, Consensual Underage Sex, Feels, I'm Bad At Summaries, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sarcasm, Sometimes that takes longer ...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 16:32:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8497405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuphugaddict/pseuds/cuphugaddict
Summary: Letting Christine Chapel talk him into a blind date, Jim Kirk meets someone he (a) never thought he'd be seeing ever again and (b) he is not prepared for.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have dreamed part of this piece ... and once the idea got stuck in my head, I just had to write it down to get it out. I don't even know what this is exactly and if I am going to continue with this, but there you are. I hope you enjoy reading.

 

 

Jim took a deep breath before he pushed the door made of dark wood open. He knew he was late – very late. More so, because he had a blind date. But to be fair, his ass looked awesome in his new leather pants; the ones that had taken up most of the time he was running behind now. If anybody had any idea what it meant to get those pants on, he wouldn’t mind the twenty minutes delay. If not – well, then he wasn’t worth Jim’s time anyway.

 

As he walked through the bar and tried to spot one of his friends, he asked himself for the umpteenth time why on earth Christine had been able to talk him into this. He, James Tiberius Kirk, did not do blind dates. Ever. Mostly because he didn’t need to. If he wanted somebody for the night he could simply pick some random stranger up and for long-term relationships – well, he didn’t do those anyway.

 

As Jim made his way through the whisky bar – a goddamn whisky bar – he almost felt sorry for the guy. He doubted the Christine had informed the “really great” guy that would “do him so much good” about the nature of his relationships. Or more accurately, his avoidance of the same. But, he had made a plan which was quite spectacular for him (so the “good guy” could already feel honored): He would be nice, he would be smiling, he would flirt slightly in order to avoid the guy getting self-conscious and then, he would bid everybody good night and go home. Without the guy. Because even if he would be good looking, he would not get the other guy’s hopes up. Not when this would mean that he had Chapel on his ass for not calling the guy again.

 

Predictably, he spotted Spock first. That bastard was just too tall for his own good. And the woman that stood right next to him in a burgundy dress immediately fixed him with that glare of hers that Jim couldn’t just look away from. “You’re late!” She greeted him and Jim rolled his eyes.

 

“I know Ny, but gimme a break. Those pants were giving me a hard time … and probably will somebody else too, who knows?” He winked and Nyota only rolled her eyes. “You are disgusting.”

 

“Don’t exaggerate, I’m only a little disgusting … sometimes. However” he clapped his hands, “where is this Superman that I should meet?”

 

“Christine and the doctor just went to the bar to refill their glasses”, Spock announced and Jim’s eyebrows shot up.

 

“The Doctor, huh? Fancy …”

 

“I don’t like that tone of yours, Jim Kirk. What’s wrong with being a doctor?” Nyota now raised one of her perfect eyebrows and Jim immediately felt like a schoolboy.

 

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing wrong with those gods in white. I just don’t date them …”

 

This was when Jim spotted Christine, making her way over to them and waving at Jim. “Well, finally.”

 

Jim hugged her and sighed, “I know, I know. And I’m sorry that I’ve been a bad boy and showed up late for my date but I have been told a couple of times that it’s sexy. So I hope I am forgiven.” Christine chuckled and slapped Jim’s side. “So, where is this mysterious guy that you have found for me?”

 

“He was just behind me …” Jim followed the nurses’ gaze and all of a sudden, his blood ran cold. Christine, however, was oblivious: “Oh, there he comes. Jim Kirk, meet …”

 

“Bones?!”

 

Jim found a pair of hazel eyes staring back at him. “Jim? …”

 

Christine’s head turned from Leonard to Jim and back again. “Wait. You know each other? And who on earth is Bones?”

 

“I – I – I’m sorry, I … I gotta go.”

 

“Jim …” Oh how he hated how much he loved to hear his name in that voice again.

 

Damn that man and his voice. “You knew it was me?” Jim asked the doctor he had not seen in over ten years.

 

“ _What?!_ ” Leonard took a step back.

 

“You heard me: Did you know you were meeting me?! Answer me.”

 

The look of confusion still hadn’t left Bone’s face – and none of the other ones who each and every one followed their exchange a tiny bit horrified (to bar fair, Spock looked like he always did). “Of course not … Why would …? How is this my fault?”

 

Opened his mouth to spit something bitter back, but decided against it just in time. He raised his hands and took a few steps back. “I’m outta here. Have a nice evening.”

 

“Jim?!” Nyota actually looked concerned and damn, if that didn’t mean something. Still, Jim turned around and made his way out of the bar as quickly as he could, blood rushing in his ears.

 

Once out in the fresh air, he took a few deep breaths and forced himself to calm down. He wasn’t sixteen anymore, this wasn’t Georgia and thankfully, he had learned to deal with a lot of shit that was way worse than this in his life. But why did it feel just the same way it did back then? Why did seeing the bastard still hurt so much? Oh how often he had pictured their next encounter, where Leonard would be miserable and unhappy and he, Jim Kirk, would be super famous and confident and out and have a super model dangling from his arm. Sadly, this hadn’t been the case today. Still he was glad that he had decided for the leather pants that showed how great his ass was – because it was. Served the bastard right.

 

“JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK!”

 

Jim spun around and saw Uhura chasing after him, Christine a little behind her and Leonard just exiting the bar. Interestingly, Nyota’s demanding glare gave him at least some of his confidence back. “Full names? And that from the women who didn’t even want to tell me her first name? That’s so lame …”

 

However, he found himself pressed into the nearest wall. “Don’t you bullshit me, Kirk. How are you feeling?”

 

“Right now? Uh … surprised, a little intimidated and also, my back is getting wet. Did it rain today?”

 

“God help me, one more statement like this and I’ll slap you in the face.”

 

Jim smirked at her, “Honey, I might just like that …”

 

Even a slap would have been better than that woman’s sense of combination. “It’s him, isn’t it? He’s the guy who …”

 

“Yes, thanks for reminding me Ny. And if you don’t want me like that again, you are going to let me go now.”

 

Jim was actually surprised that the woman actually let him go and the minute she did, he started hurrying down the street. “Where are you going?” he heard Chapel calling after him and Bones calling his name out one more time. _Damn it._

 

He turned around, “To have some meaningless gay sex … because that’s all us gays do, right?”

 

He turned around again, forced himself to walk confidently down the street, his hips swaying in his pants and not look back one single time. That last bit wasn’t too hard though. He didn’t want any of his friends – or Bones – to see the tears running down his face anyway.

 

 

 

_“You are going to sit down right here, young man and if I hear any complaints again, we’ll see each other in detention!”_

_Jim, who had almost fallen asleep in the old school bus again was jerked wide awake by Mrs. Levinson, the history teacher, if he remembered correctly, who planted a dark-haired and completely freaked out boy on the free seat next to him. Jim sat up a little straighter and tried to look out the window. How embarrassing._

_“I may throw up on ya”, the other boy announced and Jim wrinkled his nose. Great start for a field trip._

_“Good morning to you too. And why did you sign up for a field trip which includes four hours of going by bus if you can’t stand the thought of it?”_

_This was the exact moment the old vehicle started moving and that made the other – older, as Jim noticed – boy close his eyes immediately. “Extra credit.”_

_Jim suddenly felt sorry for the guy; he had never bothered to even think about extra credit as his mother would happily be financing every university he wanted to attend. He was sure that if he announced he wanted to start and academic career, that woman would be singing with joy, even over the phone. So he decided to help the other boy out: “What do you need extra credit for so badly?”_

_“Med school.” Jim thought that the scowl on the boy’s face was going to manifest itself for all eternity._

_“Wow, a doctor, very nice. And … ambitious. I wouldn’t have the attention span to walk through this …”_

_“That might change … you know, later. How old are you anyway?” The other boy bravely opened one eye to look at Jim again, only to slam it close again a second later._

_“I’m fifteen … but my birthday is next month, so almost sixteen. And I’m Jim Kirk.”_

_“McCoy, Leonard McCoy.” The dark-haired student vaguely offered his hand in Jim’s general direction, which made Jim chuckle but take it nonetheless._

_“Nice to meet you, Leonard McCoy. … And just for the record, it is better if you keep your eyes open and fix them on an object in the bus. Might help the … vomiting.”_

_Leonard sighed and cautiously opened his eyes. After a few minutes that Jim had only grinned at the older boy, the same announced, “I don’t think it really helps.”_

_“Well then, Leonard …” that name did sound really strange to Jim’s ears and, in his humble opinion, didn’t fit the guy at all, “it’s your lucky day then.”_

_“Why, because I have a puberty-hitting talk master next to me?”_

_Jim grinned even wider. He liked the guy, “Exactly. Because what you need is distraction. And I have been told that I can be very distracting …”_

 

The next morning, Jim was woken up by loud banging noises at his door. His first instinct was to ignore them, maybe the person would just go away. But the noises didn’t stop, so Jim dragged himself out of bed at – _good Christ!_ – eight in the morning and opened his door only to find his good friend Spock standing in front of his apartment door. Impeccable, of course.

 

“Jim. Good morning”, he greeted him formally which, needless to say, did not lighten Jim’s mood in the slightest.

 

“Spock. Why on earth are you standing in front of my door at this hour?”

 

His friend crossed his hands behind his back, “I was concerned …”

 

“You mean, Nyota was concerned …” Jim corrected and hoped that his attempt at sarcasm convinced the other man that he was fine, at least slightly so. It was a well-known and often referenced inside joke among them that Jim considered Spock to be incapable of any kind of emotion purely due to the fact that nothing – _nothing_ – had ever caused the other man to lose his temper. And everybody knew that university life offered enough possibilities to do so.

 

“That is correct, yes.”

 

Jim and Spock shared a smile. “Where is she?” the blonde asked as he couldn’t spot the woman anywhere.

 

“Parking the car.”

 

“Alright. You might as well come in and I’ll make some coffee.”

 

“Much appreciated Jim. I did have to get up rather early after all …”

 

By the time Spock’s girlfriend (Nyota would kill him if he ever referred to her as girlfriend; she preferred partner) reached the flat, both men set at the kitchen island sipping coffee. Spock wordlessly prepared a cup for Nyota too while she plopped a bag of something in front of Jim.

 

“Is it gonna explode?”

 

Nyota only raised her eyebrows and nudged the bag closer to Jim, who opened it with a small smile. Even though neither Jim nor Nyota would ever admit it openly, they were really fond of each other. Somehow Jim saw in the woman the sister he never had while Nyota considered him to be the annoying brother she lacked. It all had started at a bar not far from campus, where Jim had overheard Nyota ordering a shitload of drinks and he, kindly, had offered to pay for the bourbon that thankfully was for her (all the other drinks were way too disgusting). She had mistaken his (drunk) offer as a flirtation that, needless to say, she did not appreciate. So they had bantered back and forth until Hendorff, or Cupcake, as Jim as well as Nyota called him since that night, had started a fight in order to protect the potential damsel in distress. This, however, did not sit well with the future Gender Studies scholar who kicked Hendorff in the groin as he wanted to attack Jim from behind. Since then, they basically stuck together, even though the rest of the world assumed that they hated each other’s guts. Except perhaps Spock, who also wasn’t always entirely sure if they wouldn’t jump at each other’s throats in the next moment.

 

Jim put on a show of cautiously opening the bag but as soon as he saw what was inside, a huge grin spread across his face. “Please tell me that at least one of them contains Nutella.”

 

“More than one do contain that disgusting stuff”, Nyota answered as Jim already started emptying the bag of scones.

 

Stuffing one into his mouth straight away, he sighed. “Awesome! But seriously Ny, you must be really concerned about me if you bring a whole bag of this stuff to my flat – voluntarily.”

 

“How are you Jim?” the woman simply asked and only countered the blonde’s “Fine” with her famous raise of eyebrows. “Really Nyota, I’m good.” Still, he was met with silence.

He ran a hand through his sleep-mussed hair, swallowed the remains of the scone and sighed. “Yes, I was surprised to see him, for a moment everything came back, I bailed, I might have had a small anxiety attack – _small_ Ny, _small_ – then I returned home, had a glass of whiskey and went to bed. Everything’s good. I won’t do anything stupid, Scout’s honor.”

 

Nyota didn’t take Jim’s raised pinkie but wrapped her whole hand around his. “Seriously?”

 

“Seriously. I’m way more mature now, as I’m sure you are aware of.”

 

Nyota chuckled and looked down at her cup of coffee. “You scared me.”

 

“I know.” Jim said and looked down at their joined hands. If it wasn’t for the tough woman opposite of him, he might not be sitting in his little apartment today. “And I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be, it’s fine. I was just … worried.” Jim smiled and Nyota returned it. “And if you ever tell anybody I said that, I’ll hunt you down, Kirk.”

 

“Understood. Now, let me get back to those scones … Want one?” he offered the bag to Spock, his mouth already full with another one of the delicious sweets.

 

Spock cautiously looked over at his _partner_ and answered diplomatically, “Maybe one without Nutella.”

 

Jim grinned and slid the bag over. “Good man.”

 

 

_“Jim, the list of your allergies is about a mile long, how is it possible that it does not contain peanuts?!”_

_Whatever smartass comment Jim might have given the older boy, it fell victim to his numb tongue. So he just shrugged. This was not how he had pictured this evening to go. Leonard had been invited to a party by some girl who had a crush on him. Leonard however, preferred to study. Yeah, not on Jim’s shift. The sixteen year old had shown up at the older boy’s house and had talked a mile a minute to make him go. “FINE! Fine, okay. If you just stop being such a pain in the ass kid”, Leonard had replied and the younger blonde had thrown his hands in the air in victory. At said party he had chatted up a girl who had just finished about a bowl of peanuts and ended up kissing her – which was how he found out he apparently was severely allergic to peanuts._

_Right now, he was lying on a hospital bed in the ambulance, the older boy at his side who barked orders at nurses who didn’t know what they were doing. Like give Jim some sort of medication that he also was allergic to, too. The younger school-boy couldn’t believe that the older boy, who he had somehow befriended since he had moved to Georgia about half a year ago knew his list of allergies by heart. On the other hand, he wanted to become a doctor himself so maybe this was what those people did._

_About half an hour later, both already in Leonard’s car, Jim tried and found that he could talk again. “I’m forry Bonef.”_

_“What?!” the dark-haired boy barked at Jim who rolled his eyes._

_“I faid … ugh. I faid hat I’m forry.” Jim waved both of his hands dismissively._

_“Yeah. No I understood that. The other thing …”_

_“Bonef?”_

_“Yes, Bones. Why on earth do you call me that?”_

_Even if the older boy looked straight on the road in front of him, Jim saw the eyebrow. Raised. Annoyingly raised. Jim sighed, “Becauf you haf a fkeleton in your room.”_

_“The skeleton?”_

_“Yef.”_

_“Jim you are insane.”_

_“I know.” Even with numb tongue, Jim shot the older school-boy a shit eating grin that Leonard countered with a small smile._

_After a few moments of companionable silence, Leonard looked over at Jim again. “Was the kiss at least worth all the trouble?”_

_“Nah. Not really …”_

_“Typical.”_

 

 

“Will zat be all, Sir?”

 

Jim sighed, “Chekov, how often do I have to tell you that you should call me Jim?”

 

“Zat’s not how zings are handled in Russia, Sir.”

Jim smiled fondly at his teaching assistant, a former exchange student from Russia who just … well, stayed. And Jim loved the ideas the kid brought up in his classes, which he had all taken at the time, so once he decided to continue his studies in the US, Jim decided to ask him if he wanted to be his assistant, which the student obviously had been immensely glad about. In fact, he had followed Jim over the expanse of the whole campus, chanting in his ear about “zat great chance, Sir, zank you; zank you Sir. I will not disappoint you, Professor Kirk.”

 

However, after almost a whole semester where young Pavel Chekov did indeed not disappoint him, Jim got an idea why he was so keen on staying on campus. And that reason had a name: Hikaru Sulu, who was in fact Nyota’s teaching assistant. The two of them, meaning Ny and him, always joked that if this mutual pining didn’t stop soon, they would both lock them up in the room commonly used for breaks from both departments. The Gender as well as the Queer Studies department, that was.

 

“I know, Chekov. I know. … Have a good evening, relax. Next week is going to be hell anyway.”

 

“You mean because of ze exams?”

 

“Yes, because of the exams. Did you hear that crap some of the students said today? If a character in a movie wears leather they are gay? What the …?! Were they even present during the semester … Some people might say I am the wrong person to judge behavior like that but still. I have fears, Chekov. The horror of grading. Wuah!” Jim visibly shook at the thought of the hours and hours of grading exams whose answers made absolutely no sense at all; not even taking into account the horrid handwriting of some students yet.

 

“I am sure zat you were not zat bad, Sir.” The curly-haired student grinned at Jim.

 

“You have no idea what you are talking about, innocent student.” Both shared a grin, “But thanks. Oh, I almost forgot. Professor Uhura asked us to help with her grading and in turn, she and Mister Sulu will help with ours. We haven’t fixed a date yet, but will that be okay with you?” Jim looked up at his assistant innocently.

 

“Yes, Sir. Definitely. Wery, wery well. I will make sure to keep my next week free, Sir.”

 

Jim bit his lip, “Thanks Chekov, you are a saint.”

 

“Not at all, Sir. Not at all … Oh, I also forgot somezing. Zere is a man waiting for you outside. I told him to wait.”

 

“A man?” Jim asked.

 

“Yes, Sir. A man. Uh … dark hair, tall, I believe Souzern accent, Sir.”

 

Jim froze. This could not be possible. The last two weeks he had somehow, miraculously, kept Chapel at bay and now this. Now that he almost felt normal again. Just his fucking luck.

 

“Which floor are we on, Chekov?”

 

“Uh … ze fourth Sir, why?”

 

“So this means that I cannot just jump out the window without severely hurting myself, right?”

 

The teaching assistant looked mildly disturbed, which Jim could understand very well, “No Sir, I believe not.”

 

“Damn it.” He sighed, “Anyway, go home, I’ll see you next week.”

 

“Is zere a problem Sir? Should I be staying?”

 

“Gah, no Chekov. I’m just being a baby. Everything’s fine. Go home and do whatever you want to before hell breaks loose next week. I’ll manage.” Jim moved from his table to usher the student out of his office.

 

“If you are sure Sir.” The Russian still did not seem convinced.

 

Jim however opened the door and waved towards the corridor. “I am sure, out with you and don’t you dare coming back till Monday.”

 

“Alright Sir, zank you. Have a good week end.” The young man waved at him and Jim smiled before he looked to his left, where three seats were placed on the corridor.

 

“You know, keeping the prof longer than necessary in his office is not valued by the same.” As Jim’s eyes travelled down to the man sitting there, he had to take a double take. “Jeez Bones, you look as horrible as I feel.” And this certainly wasn’t an understatement: The other man had a scruff on his chin that Jim had only seen once: That horrible time beards were popular and Bones had tried to … acquire one. It didn’t work out like that. And whereas Leonard now had a way more impressive beard growth than in his high school days, the whole beard was a mess. So it was equally horrible. On top of it all the man had bags under his eyes that stood in sharp contrast to his way too pale skin but, in turn, fit well with the greasy hair. Jim was sure that he had never seen that on Bones. No matter what he told everybody else, he loved his hair.

 

“Good thing then that you didn’t see me during my college days.”

 

Bones attempt at a joke however did not sit well with Jim, “Yeah, and whose fault is that?”

 

Bones let his eyes wander away from Jim, “Christ I’m sorry. I didn’t mean …” but Jim only waved his hand, “I know. I didn’t mean either. It has just been a really long day.”

 

“Yeah. Professor Kirk. I’m really curious to hear how that happened …” Bones cautiously tried a small smile and Jim just had to mirror the same.

 

“Maybe sometime, yeah … Why are you here Bones?”

 

The other man scratched his neck, “I … uh, I was aiming for a talk? Maybe?”

 

Jim sighed. Deep down he knew that they had to talk. More so because somehow their circle of friends overlapped and they would see or at least hear from each other. And even though Jim didn’t want to face the happenings of the past – his Professor-maturity be damned – he knew he had to. Sometime. Otherwise it would all be bubbling up again at the mere mention of Leonards’ name and that was something that he could live well without. “Alright. I know a nice café down the street. Let me just lock up …”

 

 

_“Yeah, you just run away and pretend that never happened!” Jim threw the door of his fridge closed, “And that from the guy who always tells me I have to act mature.”_

_Even in the dark of the kitchen, the sixteen-year-old could see the other boy stop dead in his tracks. Fuck Bones and his moral correctness. Jim knew that he already would be out the door, speeding the street down and never come back if it wouldn’t be for the fact that whenever they accidently bumped into each other in school, which was bound to happen occasionally, Bones could not use that argument anymore._

_Jim sighed. Maybe he overreacted a little bit. “Bones listen … I … am sorry I guess?” Silence and absolutely no movement. “I just thought … gah, you know me: I always do things first and think later so …”_

_Jim’s heart raced partly in embarrassment and partly in nervousness._

_He didn’t want to say that they should just forget about it. The truth was, he didn’t want to forget about it. Quite frankly, that kiss in between the wide open doors of the fridge in his kitchen that was otherwise in complete darkness was the best thing he had experienced in a long time. As was practically everything that contained Bones somehow. They both had come down from their movie marathon to get some supplies for the next film when Bones had thrown the ice cream back in the fridge because “Damn it Jim, this stuff is poison!” when the sixteen-year-old had turned around. They had awkwardly looked at each other for what could have been a full minute but also only about five seconds when Jim had pressed his lips to the older boys’. It had just felt right to do it … and if his admittedly kind of foggy brain didn’t play mean tricks on him, Bones had responded._

_Before he bolted._

_Well, thankfully his mother was once again out of town because otherwise, this would have been one hell of an awkward scene. It still was, but otherwise it would have been worse._

_“Bones …” Jim whined, afraid that he had just ruined the only true friendship he had ever had for good, “Say something. And if it is insults, I don’t care.”_

_He heard the dark-haired boy take a deep breath, “Don’t do this Jim.”_

_“What? Don’t do what Bones?” Jim cautiously took a step closer to the other school-boy._

_“Your thing. Don’t do your thing Jim! … Don’t tell me this is what you want and … and forget about it the second I am out of sight.” Still, Leonard had his back turned to Jim._

_“Bones, I would never forget about … What are you even talking about?!” Jim frowned._

_“Please Jim … the way you do it with all the girls. You kiss them and the second they are gone you forget about them. Don’t even remember their names …”_

_Jim shook his head. “But this is different. You’re not them … You’re … Bones, I’m gay.” And there went his fabulously dramatic coming-out. He had pictured that moment differently. “This is why I never cared about them. I just … I guess that just made everything worse. Fuck!” If he would still be standing next to the fridge, he would bang his stupid head against the same._

_As Bones slowly turned around, Jim saw that he had tears running down his cheeks. That sight startled him like nothing else: Bones was the rational man with maybe slightly irrational fears (note the ice-cream example) but he was the one who kept a clear head. Always. It might have been how Jim had survived this last year that contained five allergic reactions and two broken bones._

_“Bones … What’s the matter?” Jim almost whispered._

_The other one only shook his head and pressed his eyes shut, “We cannot be Jim. It’s … it’s not an option.”_

_“What isn’t?” Jim asked and took another step towards his friend._

_“Being …” Bones waved his hand in the air uncontrollably, “Being gay, for crying out loud. This is the South Jim!”_

_A huge smile spread across Jim’s face – yes, his brain had registered the south, but it was overshadowed by Bones’ confession. “So you do like me?”_

_“Jim, are you even listening to me?!” Now he sounded more like the Bones Jim knew. This gave him some of his confidence back and he took the last step before he stood face to face with the dark-haired boy. “Say it.”_

_“What?”_

_“Say it Bones”, Jim replied with a grin._

_Bones sighed and let his shoulders sink. Jim already feared that he had overestimated his luck as Bones kept his eyes glued to the floor. But suddenly Bones took one of his hands and looked up at Jim, more tears than before in his eyes. “Of course I like ya back, you stupid, crazy kid.”_

_Jim beamed at the older guy. “Fair warning, I am going to kiss you now. … If there are any objections, please step back.”_

_As the older boy stayed exactly where he was and even grinned slightly, Jim pressed his lips to the other boys’ again, sighing happily._

_“Jim, we cannot do this …”_

_Kiss._

_“We can’t be gay out here …”_

_Kiss._

_“I don’t care.”_

_Kiss._

_“People are gonna talk …”_

_Kiss._

_“I don’t care.”_

_Kiss._

_“I am older …”_

_Kiss._

_“I don’t care.”_

_Kiss._

_“I’m going to college next year …”_

_Kiss._

_“I don’t care.”_

_Kiss._

_“You are crazy …”_

_Kiss._

_“I don’t care.”_

_Kiss. Jim pulled back just so much that Bones could see his face. “And neither do you …”_

 

 

“So …” Bones said and removed his dark blue scarf as their coffees arrived, “How did all of that happen, Professor Kirk?”

 

Jim grinned and took a sip of his Cappuccino, “Well, I’ll have to blame it all on Nyota … You met her the other night.” Bones nodded, “She picked me up during … well, let’s call it a phase that I am not proud of, set me straight – metaphorically, of course – “ Bones chuckled, “and somehow the classes she signed me up to weren’t half as boring as I thought they would be. And my bachelor’s degree became my master’s degree which was when Chris … Professor Pike, that is, encouraged me to do my PhD because he thought I would be wasting my potential if I left the university and somehow I made it to Professor Kirk.” Jim shrugged.

 

“And rather early at that, right?” Bones raised his eyebrow and Jim grinned: “It was a bet.”

 

Bones coughed on his coffee. “What?!”

 

Jim chuckled, “Yeah. Chris told me that he expected me to do my dissertation in three years and the habilitation in five. I was quicker.”

 

Bones smiled fondly and shook his head, “I always told you that you were one of the most intelligent people I knew. You just never believed me …”

 

“I was sixteen Bones, I believed basically nothing …” Both shared a small smile that carried a hint of nervousness on both sides. They were approaching dangerous territory and both knew it.

 

“So, Leonard McCoy, I have been told that you are a doctor now, which honestly doesn’t surprise me. I’m happy that things were working out for you.”

 

“Are you?” Bones looked at him suspiciously.

 

Jim waved his hand in front of himself, “Of course Bones. I know that it might not have looked like that the other night, but … You know me and I haven’t changed in that respect: I still follow my first instinct with no consideration of my environment whatsoever.” He was glad to see Bones smile, “But why the blind dating? This so isn’t your style Bones …”

 

“I know … Christine bribed me …”

 

“Sounds familiar”, Jim muttered and Bones grinned, “She can be a pain in the ass but I like her. She is my head nurse – possibly because she is the only one who is not scared to death by me …”

 

Jim had to laugh at that one, “Still the charmer then, I see …”

 

“Shut up, kid.”

 

Jim hadn’t realized how much he had missed that nickname. Particularly muttered by that deep voice in the southern accent that he had never acquired. It reminded him of so much: The aftermaths of various injuries, the little touches, the hungry but hushed kisses in Leonard’s car … Thankfully, Bones’ phone interrupted his painful train of thoughts.

 

“Sorry Jim, I have to take that …” Bones said after taking one look at the screen but Jim only motioned him to continue.

 

“Hello sweetheart …”

 

Jim immediately felt like he had to vomit.

He knew that this was simply a friendly coffee between old … _friends_ , but still. To think Leonard, _his Bones_ , already had somebody new in his life was painful. Jim knew very well that he wasn’t acting rational, but he never was, was he? He always wore his emotions on his sleeve, that was just who he was. So he was still in love with the guy he had the only real relationship in his entire life with, what was wrong with that? Although Bones might disagree about the real, but for Jim, it was still the only guy who he had dated for more than a few weeks – even if it had been in secret.

 

“Damn it, I thought there still was stuff at home in the fridge. … Yes, sorry sweetheart. … I know. I could take something up on my way home or … No, don’t eat that order-crap, it’ll put you in an early grave, I’m tellin’ ya …”

 

_The ice cream, the fucking ice cream …_

Jim’s eyes began to water and he tried to focus on the people walking past the coffee shop on the sidewalk.

 

“Alright. I’ll see you in about an hour. Bye baby … Oh! And Joanna? Don’t let in that damned cat again, she’ll never leave … No I’m … We’re not talking about this right now. I’ll be home soon. Bye.”

 

Jim sat there as if he had been paralyzed.

 

“Sorry Jim … It seems that I forgot to do the shopping and … What’s the matter, you look as if you have seen a ghost?”

 

Jim shook his head and with that out of his stupor, finished his coffee in one big gulp and burned his tongue while doing so. Then, he stood up, arms squeezing awkwardly into his tight leather jacket: “So you have to do it now. No big deal Bones everything’s good. It has been nice talking to you again so … See you around.”

 

“Jim, what on earth is the matter with you, is there a problem?”

 

Jim, who was already on his way out of the coffee shop tried his best to keep his boiling emotions in check – but failed. Sue him. “Let’s see if there is a problem …” he started while taking the few steps back to the table, approaching a truly oblivious looking Bones.

 

“You are here with me, your closet-ex-relationship, drinking coffee after you have been set up on a blind date with me about two weeks ago. So far so good. I assume Chapel told you that I am male, therefore you knew what you were getting into at the time … And now this!” Jim pointed at the phone still in Bones’ hand.

 

“Yes … now this? What?! What are you talking about?” Bones frowned one of his best frowns ever. And Jim was a good judge for them.

 

Jim rolled his eyes and slammed his arm onto the table top: “Who is Joanna?”

 

Bones didn’t say anything, only had his eyes fixed on Jim’s arm on the table. Typical. If something uncomfortable came along, he just silenced. Jim already wanted to get into another fit of insults, because holy fuck, he would not deal with such things again, when Bones’ quiet voice reached his ears:

 

“Jim what on earth is this?”

 

“Oh, don’t you change the subject Mister! I might be over it now but I already feel sorry for the next idiot who has to endure this …”

 

He was interrupted by Bones’ hand closing tightly around his wrist. “What the …?” Jim started but Bones looked up at him like a kicked puppy.

 

“Jim, what in heaven’s name did you do?”

 

Jim looked down onto the table top and saw that the hem of his long sleeved shirt that somehow got stuck in his jacket at the haphazard attempt to put in on quickly and therefore, revealed his scar. Jim knew it was useless to lie to Bones … _Doctor McCoy_ …

 

“Well …” he started but couldn’t find any other words, so he simply closed with, “Fuck!”

 

 

_“Jim, you gotta be quiet … Christ!” Bones swore under his breath._

_Jim could only moan at that again. No matter how much he tried to be quiet, it was useless. More so, when Bones muttered along with his thrusts in that damn gravelly voice of his. Yes, so he got off on how the older boy told him to keep quiet. So what? He knew he was a little weird …_

_Both boys were in Leonard’s room, Jim’s makeshift bed on the floor still untouched as they both writhed against each other on Leonard’s._

_“Jim … don’t!”_

_“So good Leo … I … ungh … ah!” Jim dug his nails into the older boys’ T-shirt. Even though Leonard insisted on them still wearing their sleeping clothes while they were at it, it was still too much. Jim’s body tingled everywhere and he just needed to other boy to make him cum._

_“Jim, please …” Leonard whined next to his ear, also already highly aroused._

_As the blonde already felt his orgasm approaching, he put his hands onto Leonard’s chest firmly and pushed him up._

_“What’s the matter? Did I do anything …” Leonard, again the over-protective mother hen that he was, asked immediately._

_Jim had to grin, despite his aching boner. He whispered, “I’m gonna cum and … Maybe, I should turn around and …”_

_“Jim, no …”_

_The younger one rolled his eyes. Yes, they had already talked about “the real sex”-thing and Bones refused vehemently. “I didn’t mean that … I thought … You know that I’m loud and … Maybe I should, you know … muffle that with a pillow.”_

_The dark-haired boy over him visibly relaxed and smiled before he kissed Jim tenderly. “Thank you.”_

_“No problem”, Jim grinned and turned around awkwardly under the older boy. In a matter of seconds, he felt Leonard’s hand rubbing him through his boxers and he quickly pressed his face into the pillow. In retrospect, this only made things worse as he was immediately engulfed by Bones’ scent but why would he complain about that. He felt the older boy pressing his entire body against Jim’s, Leonard’s hard-on rubbing slightly against his backside. Jim was sure he was about to go crazy. This was what he wanted: Leonard like that against him. Maybe with less clothes, but he took what he could get._

_The dark-haired boy panted heavily next to his ear. Jim took hold of Leo’s hand and slowly put it inside his already stained boxers._

_“Jim … what are you doing?” Leonard panted._

_Jim turned his face away from the pillow and whispered: “I wanna feel you. … Please, touch me like that Leo.”_

_The older boy grumbled something next to his ear, but still rubbed Jim, whose cock was already slick with pre-cum. Overwhelmed by the new sensation, Jim pressed his face back into the pillow again to contain his moans. He felt his cock twitch in Leonard’s hand and the older boy groan silently into his ear at the sensation and that was it. He came hard, shouting Leonard’s name into the pillow._

_Jim let himself fall onto the bed, trapping Leonard’s hand between his body and the mattress. As he felt Leonard’s hip rock against his body, he lifted his head. “It’s okay Leo, just do it”, he whispered in a kind of broken voice he did not yet know himself. But he didn’t want to think about that just now. All he concentrated on was Leo’s hips rocking into him and the other boy panting into his ear. He felt Leo tense after a few moments and heard the other’s breath hitch before he simply collapsed on top of him._

_A few minutes later, Leonard maneuvered them into a more comfortable position and Jim was about to fall asleep, when he heard the other boy speak in an equally broken voice, “Why do you call me Leo when we’re … you know …?”_

_Jim smiled. So he had realized that. Smart bastard. “Bones is for everyone. Leo is the person that only I get to see …”_

_He only felt the other boy mumble into his back._

 

 

The first second Bones had let his attention get slightly away from Jim and the death grip he had on his hand, Jim bolted. He knew that it was a _very_ mature thing to do, but sue him – he wasn’t coping well with the overall situation. Once out of the coffee shop, much needed fresh air hitting his face, he hurried in the direction of his flat. Thanks to God he decided to live in walking distance to his office. However, he could hear a certain doctor steadily closing the distance between them after he probably had slammed way too much money for both of their coffees on the table back in the shop. As the footsteps were getting closer and closer, Jim concluded that he really needed to work out more.

 

“Jim!”

 

No, he would not turn around. He didn’t need to. And, more importantly, he didn’t want to deal with all the disappointment in Bones’ eyes.

Hearing the hurried steps coming closer, Jim also picked up some pace, shouting a “Leave me alone!” over his shoulder, that was promptly countered with a most familiar “Damn it, Jim!”

 

The blonde was about to hurry into a small alley – a shortcut to his flat – when he was turned around and pressed against the cold wall on his left.

 

“Bones! Ah. … Let me go!”

 

And as soon as he lifted his eyes, there it was: disappointment. Not solely in those wonderfully dark eyes, but written over the whole face of the doctor. Maybe there was a little anger to. Well, or a bit more of that …

 

“Jim …”

 

“Bones seriously, I could sue you if you don’t let me go. Withholding me my freedom that is granted by the constitution of this country or whatever …” As the other man didn’t say a single word, Jim got slightly uncomfortable. At least he noticed the other guy panting really hard, so maybe he wasn’t as fit as Jim had thought him to be just seconds ago. “Okay Bones, there might have been times where I would have found this situation very arousing, but now it’s just downright creepy. Could you please say something … or, even better, let me go?”

 

“Why Jim?” It was barely a whisper.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Bones sighed and practically pinned Jim to the wall with his stare: “Why? Why on earth would you …?”

 

And then his voice cracked. Actually cracked. And suddenly Jim was the one who was worried. Because that never happened with Bones – ever. Not even that one time at the fridge.

 

“Bones?”

 

“Goddamn it Jim!”

 

Now Jim felt guilty. Why on earth did he feel guilty? How did Bones do that every single time? Even though he clearly was the one who did something wrong there, Jim felt like a schoolboy who didn’t do his homework.

 

“I … Bones, I’m sorry I guess?” Could one just apologize for a suicide attempt? As he got the eyebrow from the other man, he supposed not.

 

“You are sorry you guess?”

 

Jim rolled his eyes, “Yeah it was a bad time in my … Why am I even defending myself? I don’t have to. I got into this situation on my own and I did get out of it … well, not entirely on my own but without you involved. And I could have dealt with the rest of my life without you being involved at all but now you are here and you smell good and I don’t know if I can deal with that right now. … Or ever.”

 

Great, he had started to ramble again. Not a good sign.

 

Bones took a deep breath, “Why would you waste your life, your intelligence, your talent? I don’t understand … Jim, I … Jesus Christ!”

 

Jim cleared his throat, “Maybe because there was no one there who told me I would be wasting anything …”

 

He expected all – the eyebrows rising higher, the other man walking away or shouting at him, maybe even a punch – but not the hug. Suddenly Bones wrapped himself fully around Jim and the blonde was brought back to some of the good moments. The moments where Bones had forgotten about himself being that determined, straight southern gentleman that his parents wanted him to be. Those moments where he forgot all about himself and just felt. Those had been the exact moments that made Jim bear all the other shit like pretending they were just friends.

 

Jim slowly raised his hands that he realized weren’t in a death grip anymore due to the hug and slowly placed them on Bones’ back. Resting his head on the dark-haired man’s shoulder and basically inhaling his scarf, Jim chuckled.

 

“It’s not funny Jim …”

 

“I know”, Jim’s voice was muffled, “I just never thought to be in a situation like this again … with you.”

 

“I’m sorry Jim.” If possible, Bones even held him tighter.

 

“I know”, Jim repeated and found that he really did. Surely, the other man hadn’t meant him any harm at the time – but still, he had been another important person in his life who had left him.

 

As Bones pulled back, Jim saw tears glistening in his eyes so he tried a small smile. “It’s all good now Bones, I’m serious.”

 

“Please tell me that it wasn’t because of me … I couldn’t …” And then his voice cracked again.

 

And what on earth should Jim answer at that one?

To say _No Bones, don’t worry, it wasn’t about you at all_ would be a blatant lie. And Bones had always known when Jim had been lying. On the other hand it would kill the other man, Jim was sure about that. His whole purpose in life had been to save other people’s lives, not destroy them.

 

“To say that you leaving for college and never coming back or never return a call or a letter or let me into your dorm that one night I drove out there to meet you had nothing to do with that would be a lie and you know it. But I …” I took a deep breath. Sometimes it still felt weird to say it out loud like that, “I didn’t want to kill myself back then. I came out which my dear mother did not care about – big shocker, I know – but Frank did and he threw me out of the house. Not before beating me up though. So I was a bit of a rolling stone for the next few years, taking odd jobs, screwing around and drinking myself into oblivion. Not my brightest years. … Anyway, one day it was all just too much. I realized that I was utterly alone in the world, that no one cared about me or what I did and that there would be nobody who would miss me. The only thing that would change would be that I wouldn’t be hurting anymore. So I took the chance … and failed again. Thankfully, as I can say of today.”

 

“How”, Leonard cleared his throat, “how did you not … How are you not dead? I mean, that cut looked pretty accurate …”

 

“I dated a future doctor for about a year, you know …” Jim’s attempt at a joke did not work, although he didn’t suppose it would. “I snuck a knife from behind the bar I was drinking at that night and … went to the toilet. I … I locked myself in one of the stalls and … I did it. Things get kind of foggy but I remember the first cut was easy, even though it hurt like hell. The second one was much more complicated due to the other hand already hurting so much … and then there was Nyota who had entered the bar just as I had gotten up. I never saw her entering but there she was, blasting into the men’s toilet and shouting the whole room down. She had witnessed that I had taken the knife with me and put two and two together. She saved me … and took care of me afterwards. I surely wouldn’t be standing here without her today.”

 

“I’m gonna send that women a damn fruit basket …” Bones muttered and Jim laughed.

 

“She would probably throw it back at you.”

 

One side of Bones lips curled just slightly which had Jim grinning like an idiot. He raised his hand and wiped the tears on Leonard’s face away. The other man jerked back in surprise – either because he hadn’t realized that he was crying or because he didn’t expect Jim to touch him like that. Or maybe both.

 

“I’m good now Bonesy, I promise. I won’t do something like that ever again.”

 

“I thought”, the doctor started with a thick voice, “I thought given the time you would just forget about me and find somebody better.”

 

Jim wrinkled his forehead, “How could I find anybody better than you? … I have had my share of guys, more than I am happy to admit, but nobody ever got even close to you, Leonard. I mean it.”

 

“But I was so fucked up back then I … I didn’t even know myself and …” The other man shook his head and looked down onto the floor.

 

Jim let his head fall back against the wall behind him, “If you haven’t realized it yet, I too was pretty fucked up back then. I guess we were a perfect fit.”

 

“I thought I had to fulfill every wish my parents ever had: the doctor’s degree, the farm, the wife, grandkids … that whole bullshit. I never realized that they only wanted me to be myself.”

 

“Yeah … sometimes it takes some time to figure out who that is, right?”

 

Bones grinned, “Right, _Professor_.”

 

“God, you make me sound so old …” Jim wined and Bones slapped his arm. “Just think about how old I’m feeling now.”

 

Both chuckled and then they cast looks between the other one’s eyes and the floor. The air between them was vibrating but with what, neither of them was sure. As Jim never really liked silences, he shook his head. “Right Bones, didn’t you have some shopping to do? I guess I’m just heading home then …”

 

“Jim”, Bones held him back by his wrist.

 

“It was really nice to see you again, Bones.” Jim, suddenly being aware of a certain Joanna that waited back at Bones’ home, wanted to get away from the other man as quickly as he could.

 

“Jim, I need to tell you something …”

 

“No big deal Bones, it’s none of my business who you spend your nights … Evenings! I meant evenings with. Just …”

 

Bones chuckled, “You are horrible sometimes, do you know that?”

 

“Why am I horrible?”

 

The doctor ginned and shook his head. “I saw a grocery store just around the corner. Maybe we could grab a few things for a pasta and you could come with me.”

 

Jim felt his jaw drop. Literally. “Ahem … Are you crazy?”

 

“Elaborate on that one.” That smug bastard crossed his arms in front of him.

 

“Me … you want me, your formerly suicidal not-quite-ex-boyfriend spend the evening with you and your Joanna?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Whom you call sweetheart over the phone?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Who you cook with in the evenings?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Me?”

 

“I feel like an idiot for constantly repeating myself but yes.”

 

“And why would I do that?” Now Jim crossed his arms too. Because he could. Ha!

 

“Because I know you are curious and because I dare you to.”

 

Even if Jim could have fake-denied the first one he just couldn’t refuse the dare. Damn Leonard McCoy and his far too good knowledge of him.

 

 

“Joanna! … Jojo, I’m home.”

 

Jim really questioned his own sanity as he stepped into the small town house that read McCoy on the nametag with two bags of groceries in his arms. Why he did this to himself still was a mystery to him. And even more questionable was why that man he secretly still loved wanted him and this Joanna, _Jojo_ , to meet. Back in their high school days, Bones had taken the utmost caution that their relationship stayed secret, and now this? Cooking with the happy couple?

 

Suddenly, a kid jumped down the stairs, frowning. “About time. I’m starving!”

 

Great, so this Joanna had a kid too. What were they doing, playing patch-work family?

 

The frown on the kid’s – girl’s – face deepened as she laid eyes on Jim. Yeah, he would frown too if he were in the girl’s place. Maybe he even frowned back at the kid, who knew? It was just surreal. All that talk about finding oneself and now this?

 

“Who are you?” The girl asked slightly alarmed in Jim’s general direction, but his brain didn’t respond straight away. He still was thinking about how all this fitted with their talk today. Maybe Bones was bisexual …

 

“Joanna, this is Jim, an old friend of mine. Jim, this is my daughter Joanna.”

 

“Or a father.”

 

“What did you say?” Bones said and Jim only then realized that he had said that last thing out loud.

 

“Nothing, sorry. Sorry. Uhm, hi!” He let one bag drop to the floor and stretched out his hand. “Jim Kirk.”

 

The girl who on second thoughts had an immense resemblance with Bones, took a few steps forward and shook the offered hand. “Joanna Eleonora McCoy. … Can you cook?”

 

“Uh, a bit. Yeah. Your father said something about pasta … I can do that …”

 

“Good because I’m starving. It is not healthy for a girl still in growth to eat as irregularly as I have to. You’re a doctor Daddy, you should know that.”

 

Jim had to chuckle at that one. Yes, definitely Bones’ genes.

 

“Of course little miss know-it-all. Bring these bags into the kitchen and I’ll start right away. Our guests don’t have to work, remember sweety …”

 

“I could have cooked for myself …” the girl muttered while carrying a heavy bag into the adjoining room – surely the kitchen.

 

“With no one around? Not happing, young lady. You’re eleven.”

 

“So?” she hollered back.

 

Bones rolled his eyes and despite his shock, Jim had to grin. Yes, the girl – Joanna – really was a miniature version of her father. Shaking his head, Bones turned to Jim and his lips curled in a small grin. “See why you were acting ridiculous before?”

 

Now it was Jim’s turn to shake his head, “No. No, I cannot. … Christ Bones, you’re a … a …” he waved his hands in the air, “A Dad? How did that happen?”

 

“I was married …”

 

Jim was sure that his face fell. Dramatically. Also, he was vaguely aware that he made an incomprehensible sound along with the derailment of his facial features. Bones however seemed to enjoy this situation immensely. “Or more clearly, the marriage happened because of the pregnancy, to be honest. Anyway, it didn’t work out … at all. Partly for reasons that you might be aware off …”

 

“DA-AD!” came Joanna’s voice hollering from the kitchen, “I’m starting to cut vegetables on my own … with the BIG knife!”

 

Bones rolled his eyes again and whispered, “Sometimes, she is worse than you …”

 

That hint of normalcy between them gave Jim back at least some of his self-confidence: “I can see that we are going to be very good friends!” Jim announced before he too made his way into the kitchen. Due to the fact that his entire world had been turned upside down for the second time in two weeks he just decided that he would not care anymore – about anything, which was precisely why he would get to chopping vegetables. With the daughter of his not-quite-ex-boyfriend … who had been married and was now blind-dating guys again. He could do this, he was sure he could …

 

Because Jim’s brain worked about a mile a minute he didn’t get the warm smile that the dark-haired man cast at the whole situation.

 

 

During preparing the pasta, Jim had gained a new ally – to call bonding over about an hour friendship would been too forward – in Bones lovingly cheeky daughter. Basically, that hour had been consisting of the two of them creating the utmost chaos while Bones muttered along and let them know that they were putting him in an early grave. Joanna snickered along and even high fived Jim once. To say that the blonde was overwhelmed by the gesture would be an understatement. Thankfully Bones shouting on the top of his lungs that the sauce was practically burning – “FLAMES ABOUT TO HAPPEN JIM!” – got him back on track or he would have been close to be speechless.

 

Once they were seated at the table that Joanna had set on her own while she left Bones and Jim in the kitchen, the girl was about to pour parmesan all over Jim’s plate of pasta. The blonde, still overwhelmed by basically everything that had happened to him since Chekov had left his office – most of all how Bones was all domestic and … fatherly – did not object. Bones however, caught Joanna’s hand mid-movement. “No, stop sweetheart …”

 

“Why? You don’t like parmesan?” Joanna looked up at Jim with big eyes full of fear of losing her newly discovered ally over something as important as cheese preferences, Jim shook his head.

 

“No …” he cleared his throat in order to fight the upwelling wave of emotions.

 

“Darlin’, he is allergic to parmesan.”

 

“Oh!” Joanna exclaimed and snapped her hand back, “Sorry!”

 

Jim only shook his head again and looked down on their pasta and tried to blink away the tears that threatened to pour out uncontrollably. Joanna, oblivious to the happenings around her, put a significant amount of parmesan over her own pasta before she started tucking in.

 

Jim looked and at Bones, “You still remember that?” he whispered.

 

“’Course. I could still list all of your allergies … alphabetically.” And there it was again, the slight curl of lips on Bones’ side. And if that wasn’t Bones for _I still care a lot about you_ Jim didn’t know what. And he wasn’t prepared for that. He also wasn’t prepared for how much it actually still meant to him. He took a deep breath and took his fork. “I … I just …” he motioned towards his plate and the doctor grinned. “Of course … Joanna, how was school today?”

 

And then Bones’ girl blabbered about her classmates and about a new project they were assigned in biology. Apparently she thought her lab partner to be an incapable idiot, which did not surprise Jim as she doubtlessly had inherited Bones intelligence along with the sarcasm. He smiled at Bones being his usual considerate self and shifting the conversation away from him so he could get his emotions back in check. Which he did – eventually. The pasta was helping a lot along the way.

 

Once they were done, Bones ordered Joanna to get up to her room and start on her homework. “But I’ve done all my homework already …” the girl complained, “Because it took you so long to come home …” Bones rolled his eyes and Jim grinned. “That was mainly my fault … Joanna. Don’t blame your Dad.”

 

The girl grinned at him from under her dark curls, “I forgive you …”

 

Jim smiled and knelt down so he was face to face with Bones’ daughter, “Why thank you, Miss Joanna.”

 

She giggled, “You’re funny. … Are you going to visit again?”

 

Oh boy, and didn’t she just bring up the elephant in the room. Thankfully, Bones stepped in again: “You gonna study for your test next week, young Lady and I’ll talk to Jim about that.”

 

“Uh … okay”, she gave in reluctantly. “Good night Jim.”

 

“Night.” Jim smiled and got up to his feet again as Joanna started hopping up the stairs.

 

Bones looked after her with a fond expression before he turned to Jim again: “Well then, you’ve met Joanna …”

 

Jim chuckled silently and nodded, “Yeah. Yeah I did. … And I have to tell you something that I’m sure you already know but she is great. That is a truly amazing kid you have there, Bones.”

 

The older man chuckled, “Yeah, I’m lucky I guess.”

 

Both grinned at each other and could feel the atmosphere getting slightly awkward again without Joanna as a buffer between them. Bones took the first step and offered Jim something to drink, but the blonde refused. “It’s getting really late, I think I should be going …”

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right about that …” The doctor crossed his arms in front of his chest and nodded. Jim already felt the need to explain himself again. “Listen Bones, …” he started but the dark-haired man cut him off: “No, I understand … Its fine. Good night Jim.”

 

As the blonde could see all the defense mechanisms in the other man go up to their maximum again, he sighed. “No you don’t understand. So please let me explain!” he exclaimed. A rise of the eyebrow of the man opposite of him later, Jim continued: “Tonight was amazing. It really was. I appreciate the fact that you introduced me to your daughter just like that in ways that I can’t even explain. But tonight was also very, very confusing. Confusing spiked with bubbles of emotions combusting spontaneously along the way. The fact that you …” Jim looked down on his feet, “that you still know about … about … parmesan”, Jim threw his hands up in the air, “It’s goddamn overwhelming Leonard. And I have to think about that first. I’m not saying that this is a bad thing but I cannot rush things. Not with you and not right now. … Why are you smirking at me like that?”

 

Bones pushed himself from the table he had been leaning against for Jim’s monologue, walked over to him and laid his hands on Jim’s upper arms. “First, you just called me Leonard. I can only assume what that means …”

 

Jim blushed, “Christ, I did, didn’t I?”

 

Bones chuckled, “Oh yeah, you did … and second, you said that you need to think about this and this is a first, James Kirk.”

 

“Thankfully you left out the middle name, thanks.” Jim grinned and Bones laughed. Actually laughed which Jim had all forgotten about.

 

“I am not asking you to move in with us, Jim. I just … Somehow you are back in my life now and I don’t want you to go. I wanna take this chance … even if we’re just friends, Jim.”

 

Jim grinned up at the other man, “If you knew what running your hands up and down my arms did to me, you wouldn’t suggest the _just friends_ part, I tell you.” Bones chuckled, stopped roaming his hands around and let them drop to his sides again. “Thanks, that’s helpful. Where was I … Yes, I want that too Bones, seriously. Which is why I don’t want to fuck this up. Maybe … If we can really take it slow and … talk about stuff, this is gonna work out.”

 

“Thinking about it? Taking it slow? Talking? … Who are you and what have you done to Jim Kirk?” Jim hit the other man friendly in the chest and grinned up at a smiling Bones. To see the lines on Bones’ forehead even out and a slight glimmer return to his eyes was also something that Jim never thought he’d see again. He concluded that thankfully, he had been wrong.

 

“Considering I didn’t have any relationship whatsoever since Jocelyn, this is absolutely fine with me. I can take slow Jim.”

 

Jim grinned, but got all mock-serious again, “There! Something else we need to talk about! I am assuming Jocelyn is your ex-wife?”

 

Bones nodded in agreement, “Yeah she is. But don’t … not right now.”

 

Jim nodded. “Noted. I should get going anyway …” And he started to retreat from Bones and his goddamn amazing scent, when the older man held him back by his wrist. “Hey!” he barely whispered, “I have changed too. I needed some time but I have changed. And I’m not going anywhere this time.”

 

Jim bit his lower lip in order to keep it from doing something stupid like wobbling and nodded while he entwined his fingers with the other man’s. Leonard brought his other hand up to cup Jim’s face and placed a single but intense kiss on the blondes’ lips.

 

And that was precisely where Jim lost it. The tears he had been holding back for the whole evening rolled down his cheeks and he silently had to sob. Thankfully, Bones understood. He understood that he shouldn’t say anything and simply hugged Jim tightly. Jim didn’t loosen the embrace and simply whispered “You came back …” into Bones’ shirt where his face was buried beneath the doctor’s neck and inhaled the other’s scent.

 

“Yeah I did … and as I said, I promise that I’m not going anywhere.”

 

 

 


End file.
